A Page Of Me: Crossing The Cheating Line Part 2

**This is a recount of a true story between me and Melissa (not the real name)**

"Trust me, I will never cheat on you" ~ A statement so easy to say, yet so difficult to live by.
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This is by far, the most anticipated and the most requested blog post ever since the first part was released. And with good reason actually. If you thought that the first part was really screwed up, this blog post could perhaps change your mind. To put it into comparison, my first relationship only lasted for two months, while this lasted for two years. So you could only imagine the things I could write here.

And please do not think that I absolutely look forward to write this. It's not like I love to be cheated on. It sucks, really, as much as I hate to admit it over and over again. And to be honest, I tried to hold myself back into writing this because I didn't want to burn that bridge that I sought to keep hold of for a really long time. But the more I went on in life, I realized that the bridge had not only been burnt a really long time ago, but reduced to oblivion and ashes.

So that's why you are seeing this blog post today. And I could remember every single story as if they happened yesterday, or perhaps better yet; remember all the names of those guys involved in these incidents. Maybe I'm gonna go all Hannah Baker in 13 Reasons Why, and name all of them. Or maybe I won't, because the truth is that the problem didn't lie mostly on them. It laid mostly on the hands on Melissa, who perhaps thought that it was okay to do all of this.

So yeah, Melissa, this is your "tape", a review of what you actually did to me from day one all the way to the day we broke up. I don't hate you, never did and never will. But I hated every single thing you did to me in that two years. Because while you were in the clouds, thinking that your side flings and escapades would never be known to me, you seem to have forgotten that you destroyed the most precious thing that was already in a wreck from my first ex; my trust in you. And yes, I knew every single thing you did to me despite how hard (or not so hard) you tried to keep them away from me.

Should I have seen all of these coming? As usual, I did see all of these coming, especially when it happened the first time. And even after I saw it, my unwavering believe in Melissa changing for the better kept me going on for the two years before I eventually broke. More often than not, I believe in second chances because everyone can make a mistake they didn't mean to do. And it truly hurts to write this because after all the second chances I gave, after all the forgiveness that came after the cheating, it would not be long before the next cheating happened again.

Many people would know that I would be the first person to forgive Melissa if she would tell me, just one time, that she admits to all these cheating. To me, that is the hardest form of knowing your mistakes; being able to admit them. She knows super well that I would not even hold it against her if she would just admit her wrongdoings but alas, she wouldn't do that. Guess this is what you can call the extreme pride of someone who has done so much wrong that they would never admit to a single mistake they made.

And if you think this is revenge for all that she did. Nope, I don't feel that, because revenge is and will never be on my agenda. One day, her high pride will be her own downfall. Her thrill to talk to guys on online chats, even when she's attached will eventually elude everything she so claim as love. What I will write here, is meant for people to realize that cheating is NEVER the solution in any relationship or to fill any thrill in your life. In other words, this is a life lesson for perhaps any potential cheaters out there to know that their actions will not go unwarranted. Actions have consequences. And this is my story...

I remembered how me and Melissa used to talk about how it was fate the brought us together. How fate brought two souls who were facing similar situations of past hurt and cheating, together at that moment. It felt like an impossible dream; she was hurt by someone before just like me, cheated on by someone before just like me, so it can only get better from here. Right? Little did I know, the prey became the predator herself within such a short period of time.

Melissa and I used to actually ponder a lot about money and how we couldn't spend so much for our dates. We met pretty often during my army days and we had to spend money, even if it's just a few dollars. And by pretty often, I do mean 4-6 times a week. Having a part time job could only cover so much and money was dwindling down our bank account by quite a fair bit. I have to admit, the impact of money on me was significantly lower than on her, partially because my saving power was significantly greater than hers and perhaps because I am an only child while she wasn't. Hence, her finances given to her from her parents were limited while mine was essentially less limited.

Nonetheless, despite the money issues, we ended up buying a Nintendo 3DS for ourselves, each, using our own money. Well, not fully true because I covered part of the cost for her as she was really short of cash. You might even say that we were that stupid in wanting to get a 3DS for ourselves even though we knew that she was struggling when it comes to finances. But stupidity aside, we got it in the name of gaming and it was fair to say that life was going great even though money was lacking, or so I thought it did. But it wasn't the case.

One month after we got together, Melissa was showing me something on her phone and a strange text popped up. It was a guy who was stating his price. I remembered the price as $300. What was she selling? Her 3DS? The retail price for a 3DS wasn't that high at that point in time either. So what could it be? Probing further, I realised that her chats directed all the way back to the website/app which I will not name. And I knew right then, without looking at anything, that whatever I would find in the next few moments would not be anything near pleasant. And true enough, I was right. The $300 price tag that was offered to her was in exchange for sex. More importantly, why was she receiving those messages? Coincidence? I mean after all, she is a girl and there are guys out there trying to get easy access to girls using money right? Sadly, it wasn't the case. The guys contacted Melissa because she requested for it; money in exchange for sex.

Melissa was obviously stunned at how she was caught red handed by me in perhaps one of the most coincidental timings ever. After realizing how cornered she was, she eventually admitted that she did all that just to have more money for dates and personal spending. Is money so important that one would exchange her body for it? Even if it was for a good cause, that is such a cheap way to deal with a problem. Sure, one hour may earn a person $300 but at what cost? Would she do such an act even if money were not part of the deal?

Though Melissa didn't carry out those acts with any of the thirsty men that were offering her a price, or so she said she didn't, but this incident was a precursor to many more that were about to come. Not doing it in the end doesn't make it okay because her intentions were clearly displayed. This was probably the only time I felt really angry at her for doing the things she did. Despite me forgiving her in the end, I guess this was also the first act of trust destruction and hurt. The trust that I gave to a person who was once being cheated on by her ex, was slowly beginning to break by her own cheating actions.

Ever since that day, I have been definitely more guarded and watchful. I couldn't be as laid back as I wanted to be in this relationship anymore. For some, you might think that she resorted to such tactics in the midst of desperation in a bid to solve her money issues without considering other possible consequences. For me, no matter how desperate one can get, such an act is NOT justifiable at all no matter how serious it was, much less for someone who didn't have to pay any household bills, school fees or other serious items.

So moving on to the next story, I believe that for this part, I need to censor a few parts out because it involved numerous parties and ultimately I just want to focus on the cheating incident. In the months leading to the next major cheating incident, Melissa continued to get messages from strange guys. However, there was one particular guy that caught my attention because that guy was attempting to flirt with Melissa and unsurprisingly, Melissa flirted back... in perhaps more sexual ways than one could ever imagine.

I thought that after the first cheating incident, she would at least get better at hiding her escapades, but apparently, there was no effort to. And so one day, I just confronted Melissa with those messages. Of course, she was stunned that I knew about those flirty messages. Trust me, I didn't wanna know either. Sometimes, the less we know, the better. But as I said, she made zero attempt in hiding it. So when she knew she was pretty much exposed to no return, she did the unthinkable.

A few days prior, she was harassed by another dude. And by harassed, I do mean reallyyyyyy harassed. Melissa didn't like the harassment, thankfully, and told him to stop. However, she did not tell me about this incident. When I eventually called her out for the flirting incident, she used this harassment incident to cover the flirting incident.

"Why would I even flirt with other guys when I have been harassed by another guy and didn't want to do it with him?"

Sure, it may have sounded like it didn't make sense at all because her being harassed didn't mean that she couldn't have flirted with other guys. But I guess I was pretty bought in by the whole covering up because I was more concerned about her being harassed and this, in turn, led me to forget about the cheating incident. So she dodged the bullet in this case and perhaps relieved that the flirting case was never resurfaced again.

Maybe at the back of reading these stories, you may ask these questions. Was she just a predator pretending to be a victim all along; a wolf in sheep's clothing? Was she just playing around and not serious at all? Was I stupid enough to actually buy in to excuse after excuse? Maybe you already know the answer to those questions. It was a wreck of a two-year relationship that could have easily been halted in a month, had I been more firm and less forgiving. And perhaps, if this relationship would have been halted, I wouldn't have suffered what I did suffer in the end; pain, trust issues, insecurities and the feeling of being unloved. Yet, I let it happen...

But this, is only the first half of the two-year story.

In the next part (A Page Of Me: Crossing The Cheating Line Part 3), we will be looking at three more stories of emotional cheating, as well as the finale to what was a very painful two-year relationship. I would just like to finish off by saying that cheating is a serious emotional crime that no one should commit to their love ones. Whatever problems there may be, always know that communication is key to get any misunderstandings out of the way instead of taking the wrong road of cheating. Your partner may forgive you eventually, but he or she will never be able to forget.

For those who have been cheated on before, I can only advise that you try and forgive the other person who cheated on you. I know that it is hard to forgive, but in doing so, you are at least lifting half of the burden that has been weighing down on you through the bad times.

I believe that it is never too late for a cheater to change for the better. But before you can do so, you must first admit to yourself that what you are doing is wrong, regardless of any situation. Know that you are hurting your own conscience. You can never be jailed for cheating, but you will always live your life knowing that you were once a cheater...
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(Stay tuned for "A Page Of Me: Crossing The Cheating Line Part 3" coming your way soon!)