A Page Of Me: Crossing The Cheating Line

**This is a recount of a true story between me and Mindy (not the real name)**

"I love you..." ~ She says this as she proceeds to flirt with 10 more other guys online.
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If you would ask me back in my JC days, whether or not I would end up writing this blog one day, I would have told you no chance in hell. At least it shouldn't happen to me... But it did.

And looking back at all those events that happened in the past, I can truly say that while it has me smiling to myself thinking about how stupid I was to let all this happen behind my back, or should I say in front of me since I actually somewhat knew all of this happening, I actually still feel all the hidden resentment and hurt that these events brought to me. I've cried a lot and you could only imagine what emotional trauma I had to go through when I came face to face with the realisation that such things were happening to me. Key words are "You could only imagine", because the fact is that unless you have been in a similar situation or faced a worse scenario, I've literally had it worse. And if you don't believe me, read on to find out.

Sure, I know some of my friends, or maybe some of y'all would have said that I should have seen this coming and I should have left when the signs were there, right in front of me. But I guess I was too forgiving as I kept telling myself that things will get better even when I knew that the trust was irreparable. Or perhaps I was too stupid to leave and let love somehow consume me. Apparently being the merchant of second chances bit me straight up in the ass.

And it hurts me to write this too, because I don't hate the person, but I damn sure hate the act of cheating. So don't say that I'm condemning and shaming the person in this blog, because you'll know that I'll be the first in line to forgive them and give them a second chance if they actually admit their act and never to act upon it again. So in every way possible, I've protected this person's identity and who they were allegedly cheating with so that this can be a story of the act of cheating alone and not a story of shaming anyone.

And I will begin that story shortly. However, I need to add the disclaimer that by no means I think that I was completely not at fault in any situation. I've always said that in any relationship, there has to be a spark which led to the problem and I'm not using this platform to take a higher moral ground to say that I was not completely at fault in this. The purpose of this is to showcase what goes behind the scenes when someone cheats on you, or in this case on me. So, here it goes.
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Oh! And one more thing. If you're reading this and you think that you feel guilt yourself because you cheated in one way or the other, then I firstly applaud you for actually feeling guilt because it shows that you feel the emotions of knowing you did something wrong. I'm sure that if you feel guilt and remorse, you will be better one day and not do the same thing again. But if you are reading this and you don't feel anything even though you cheated on someone, you're just a cold-hearted person who needs to take a look in the mirror yourself.
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Let's call this person Mindy (Not the actual name of the person). Now Mindy was a sweet girl who often feels trapped with lots of parental demands and school work. When I first got to know Mindy, I knew that she was a really shy person who seemed really genuine in our chats. You could never tell any sign of a player within her. But like every one of us, Mindy had a dark secret that even I had no idea at that time. She had a reputation of jumping ship from men to men.

But the thing is that, when I first asked her how many boyfriends she has had in the past, she told me she had only 1. It was a fair answer given her age and I didn't like to probe into matters further. In addition to that, she was my first girlfriend, so I didn't think anything was amiss. She didn't give me any reason to think that way either. It was only until we ended breaking up after just two weeks together just because "her parents forbid her to date". This came out of nowhere and it was never mentioned once prior to the day of breaking up. Of course, I felt heartbroken and hurt because everything was just too sudden. It was not until 2 days later when she contacted me again asking me to patch up that the truth was slowly uncovering.

Still fresh from the breakup, I agreed to patch up and give this relationship another go. In one of the dates we had, she asked to use my phone to login to her Facebook account because her phone couldn't work. I agreed to do so. However, despite turning away, I caught a glimpse of her password for her Facebook account. I remembered her typing a few numbers in her password which resembled her birthday. I didn't pay much attention to it, but it was not something that was too difficult to remember. So it stuck in my head for a few days.

One day, I somehow had a sense that she was texting some guy on Facebook and admittedly I got curious. I decided to try my luck on her Facebook account. After all, I wasn't expecting to get it right, despite somewhat knowing her password. I mean, I actually thought that in this age, people wouldn't be stupid enough to put their birthday as their password. Well, apparently not, because I got it right in one attempt. Yeah, I know, it's wrong to pry into other people's privacy and I agree. I didn't feel right entering into her Facebook account and I just wanted to log off immediately. This was when her account received a Facebook message from an unknown guy asking for sex.

I was stunned and disgusted at that guy's message. But I didn't take longer than a second to open the chat message. It was then that I found out that...their chat was ongoing live. This means that while I was in the comforts of my own home looking at that disgusting message, Mindy was talking to that guy about intimacy and stuff. And it was a really long chat, indicating that this could not have been a random stranger just sliding into her dms. It was something more than that. I knew that asking her directly would've been useless because I could tell from the first breakup that she was not very good and communicating with me any problems. Furthermore, it would only expose the fact that I knew her password.

I questioned everything I knew about her. It was not like she was rejecting that guy asking her for sex. She was reciprocating it. That made me a lot more worried. I decided not to confront her and instead trusted that nothing would happen. I didn't log back inside her Facebook page because I do not want to get into the mindset that I can't trust her at all, even though my trust in her had already started to falter. I guess this is what you call a denial stage.

A few days later, me and Mindy met again and I wasn't so sure as to how the conversation went on, but it somehow got to the point where she revealed that she had a total of 10 past boyfriends. I was like "WOW!!" Ten of em??? Not to mention these ten (actually its nine because I was the tenth one) guys lasted between a month to a year. The truth was uncovered before my very eyes. She was jumping from relationship to relationship like changing her outfit; use, get tired of it, and then dump.

Never mind about that. I guess I was somewhat really in love at that time that I didn't see the signs in time to make a run from this relationship, that I'll admit whole heartedly. Soon it was our first monthsary. I was happy and I guess I could say she was happy as well. But little did I know that so many of her secrets have been uncovered so far. After our first month together, another revelation started to bloom in front of my very eyes.

One fine day, I was about to meet Mindy when some guy messaged me out of nowhere. This guy told me that Mindy was messaging him at the moment and he knew that she was attached to me at that point in time. When asked how she ended up talking to her, he revealed that they talked on Okcupid. Now, for those who don't know what Okcupid is, it is basically a dating app that was, if I'm not wrong, the second most popular dating app behind Tinder during that time. Back to the story, this guy told me Mindy's nickname on Okcupid in case I would like to trace her down. And before we ended the conversation, this guy warned me about Mindy and her actions.

This was when a thought came to my mind. What if... her password for Okcupid was the same as her Facebook account? After all, people tend to use similar passwords. So I tried, unknowingly, to see if I could fish more information. And guess what... I actually managed to login. But wow, I really, really wished I didn't login into that app. Till this day, I really wished that I rather remain in the dark than to have the ultimate truth revealed to me all at once. If you thought the Facebook incident was bad with only one guy in it, multiply that by close to 50 people and you can see the number of guys Mindy was flirting with. And I think that even flirting is such a nice way to describe her actions.

You might want to ask, to what extent did she cheat and how bad was it? If you said she did all those, where is the proof? Trust me, if I showed you the entire conversation, you would be totally disgusted at what is revealed to you. And to be more humane to the person who cheated on me, I shall not reveal whatever proof I have. So you just have to take my word for it.

So I really couldn't take it anymore and just confronted her with these overwhelming evidence. Mindy was taken aback and I could tell that she knew she couldn't get out of this one... But she did; by playing what I like to call as the "shift the blame" game. All she needed to do was to shift the attention to me and she was out of it. She didn't have to deny the cheating or explain the cheating. All she needed to do was to make me pretend that this evidence that I had in my hands of her cheating, never exist in the first place.

And so, that was pretty much the whole story of the cheating saga. In the end, she never admitted her wrongdoings and only God knows, whether or not she is out there cheating other guys.

I would just like to end off by saying that cheating is a serious emotional crime that no one should ever commit to their love ones. Whatever problems you might be facing, always communicate with your partner to get any misunderstandings out of the way instead of taking the wrong road of cheating. Because at the end of the day, not only are you hurting your partner emotionally, but you are also hurting your own conscience. And it is never great to look back in your life and realise that you were once a cheater.

For those who have been cheated before, I can only advise that you try and forgive the other person who cheated on you. I know that it might be hard to forgive the other person because of all the hurt this person caused you, but at least try to let go of the burden holding you back. If it's possible, try to talk to the person who cheated on you after you finally forgave them and perhaps talk things through.

I believe that it is never too late to change, for any of you who are planning to cheat, are cheating or have already cheated before. But before you can change, you must first admit to yourself that what you are doing is wrong, regardless of any situation, and you must admit to your partner so both of y'all can work together to build a better relationship. There is no point in building a relationship when there are mistrust and suspicions every day and at every moment. I've learnt it the hard way, and I really hope that this doesn't happen to you.